Sunday, September 13, 2015

Nothing else i do but write. Re: curhat.

How to show your love?
How to show your love with the person you will be with? Seems like it little hard question for me. When you have some principle to stand for.  Would you break it for showing how much you mean with that person you love? I'm trying. I'm not the person who will spontaneously shows the public, like hey! This one is my boyfriend (example for the person you love) and you can see it with all my update status socmed is about him. Well, people should know i'm his. But, is love need a publication?? I dont think so. But, is it like i wont anybody else know that im in relationship? I dont think so. When you mean that you wouldnt anyone else know about you are in relationship, you will just answer 'no, i dont have any boyfriends' or 'no, we're not in relationship' but what? I never mean to say that when im in relationship with someone. I just not continuously to update all things about mine. I will the world know that we're now together, but i wont to tell them. Let the world looking for it, let them curious about that and search it. It will show naturally. Without screaming, intending to show and everything else to get confession with public.
I just thinking to built it just us. Just us know how its work. Just us understand it. Because sometimes and almost every time, public just cant solve the problem if is it. So why we have to tell them?
Okay, back to the way you show ur love feeling. I cant be just over excited when im happy ( except im very very very happy ). Shy! Maybe thats the answered. I really want to make him know that i'm happy. Can i just say it with a word? I dont really trust the word btw. I trust action. So i'm trying to show it directly with action. Maybe need to try harder because seems like it now working for the person im with now. And yes, i try to prove it even by break my principle. Like before i didnt want to do this and those one in relationship. But, now what? I did it ( i just give a few sign to show i dont like it ). The sign like when i said "tidak suka begini begitu" "parried his word or action" or give him an action that show the word "jangan begitu" but i think you didnt get the sign. You dont get the sign and blame me because you didnt get it. I didnt directly to get angry Just because i will you know i'm into you. Like just want to tell that i just will do it with you, so you should know i mean to be.
Well, what i've got? I dont know. Sometimes i just think to over it. Just because i dont know how to treat him well so he'll be more feel esteemed. Its going more harder when you didnt have a same vision. No red line but we want to be with. HARD! I'm not who i'm. Do the things that not my habit. Before, i indeed to show the worst of me. To see if you are really l want to be with me even you know that i'm grumpy, not pretty (sometimes i didnt do make up when i meet him) money mad, and many weakness else. Before, i think that you already accept it. But wait, seems like i need more time to decided. With all those argument that we arguing that night. I point that, before you just show what the good on you which is actually not you. Not in all case btw. Thats why i need to more learn about you and me. Which like an oil and water. Not easy to be one. Now on, i need to follow his way, try to understand what i didnt understand. Leave my ego behind. Maybe this one will work to show how much i really thank for everything.

Thursday, July 23, 2015

Not only me have that kind of feelings

Finally the others feels that way too. Some people didnt realize how special they are for other that sometimes make me lil bit jealous. People welcoming them,  make a plan so that we can meet together. Is this kind of our friendship. Before, i was thinking that this is just my feeling. I feel marginal long time before now. When they only go with them selves. Well, may be because i ever rejected some of their invitation. But you know? Ive much reason for that. Either at that time i have no enough money or i have something to do more important. Actually the only moment that stick on my head was when one of them come to visit the city i've studied before. I just feel i've already make an effort so that we can meet as one of a host. But what ive know? I feel you think that im useless that you already have that group for stay and can bring you everywhere around the city. Fine. That time, Its just me, just me feels that way. I just let it go. But now, it remembering me again. When the other make a plan just for make our reunion completed, some of us doing other plan secretly and surprisingly surprise us. Wanna know my feeling? Actually i just feeling so so. I've must be accustomed. Already talk to my self for just being best, focus to my own successful and be nice to people (just be nice). Many lesson learn from friendship. Hello and goodbye, i'm a dissapointed friend.

Saturday, July 11, 2015

Yes. I need. You

Every body needs friends. I always think that i can stand by my self to do everything. Ok, some thing i can do by my self. But not everything. You can go to the cafe and drink a coffee by ur self, go to the cinema and watch ur fav movie alone, go to the mall and buy your fav cloth. Sometimes it will feel so awkward. People will say, "why this girl sit alone in corner of cafe" for example or "is she watching alone?". Even you didn't care what people said, i bet you ever feel that its more fun if you sit together with your friend especially your boy friend in cafe, chit chat and laugh together. I more fun to watch together so that you can ask a question for part of film that you didn't understand. Its better to walk with your friends in mall so you can ask opinion about the dress you would buy. Even you have a family to be with, you need friend ( actually family is friend too ). Is it???
Talk about it, i feel little lonely after graduate and stay home. I didn't have any sibling to be with. They all grown up and have their daily activity to do first. I didn't have a friends with me every time, we all already have a different activity. You cant force the company you. Boyfriend? Yes i have. But it useless for companying. We're in different island. Yes, long distance relationship. Uw, i hate that. That's the problem. The worst, you cant rely on your bf when you feel lonely. Voice didn't pay that. You cant feel have a friends with phone on ear and walk alone. Its still called alone. Don't know why, i took the risk to be him when i know this things will happen. Well, said that what if i didn't with him, no guarantee i have a bf here. At least if i have no bf, i didn't suggest my self that i have one. No feel to rely on someone. Ugh, forget it. The more i discuss it, the more i feel real lone. I need more socialization, so i'll have more friends. I believe that the more we have friends, the more gift we have from Allah SWT.

Thursday, June 18, 2015

Not easy to move on, depend on my experience.

It not easy to move in for me. Especially if it already enter my comfort zone. Sebenarnya, diri kita sendirilah yang mengatur segala kondisi2 tersebut. Keterbiasaan yang merupakan salah satu faktor yang membuatnya terasa semakin sulit. For example, ketika saya sudah terbiasa tinggal di asrama. Awal nya terasa sangat sulit untuk jauh dari rumah ( kebetulan saya belum pernah tinggal jauh dari keluarga). Lambat laun saya mulai terbiasa dengan kondisi tersebut bahkan saya sudah menemukan titik kenyamanan. Menjalani hari hari 24 jam bersama teman. Keterbiasaan melakukan beberapa hal sendiri atau pun bersama teman lain nya. Such a fun with every minus and plus on it. Ketika tiba saat nya untuk meninggal kan itu semua. Selalu ada saat-saat yang membuat saya sangat rindu akan momen tersebut. Salah satu faktor besar yang menurut pengalaman saya untuk susah 'moving on'.
Salah dua nya adalah ketergantungan. Ketika saya selalu merasa jika ingin makan, harus ada rasa pedas nya, jika tidak makanan tersebut terasa hambar. Atau ketika saya ingin makan, akan selalu ada mas-mas pengantar makanan yang siap untuk mengantarkan makanan pesanan saya. Saat mas-mas tersebut sakit dan tidak dapat mengantarkan makanan, mungkin saja saya tidak akan makan saat itu.

Saya rasa dua hal tersebutlah yang menjadi faktor yang cukup berpengaruh susah nya untuk 'move on'. Sama hal nya ketika menjalin hubungan pacaran. Awalnya, kita bisa pergi keluar untuk mencari makan siang sendiri. Nonton bioskop dan karoke sendiri its ok. ( i ever do that sometimes). Ketika punya teman 'special' (re: pacar). Makan siang sama2. Makan malam sama2. Setiap hari keluar bareng ( dalam hal ini ketika masih merantau, saya bebas menentukan waktu saya untuk keluar). Ketika mau makan, yang tadinya mengandalkan 'mas-mas' pengantar makanan, menjadi mengandalkan pacar untuk membawakan makanan. Membutuhkan sesuatu, selalu pacar menjadi pilihan untuk meminta tolong. Kesana kemari selalu bersama. Semua hal-hal tersebut selalu di lakukan dalam jangka waktu tertentu (tergantung seberapa lama kamu sama-sama). Tiba saatnya kalian berpisah (re:putus) susah deh 'move on' nya. Apalagi kalo sebelumnya sudah pakai 'sayang'. It's difficult enough.
Lesson learn. Kalau masih dalam tahap pacaran. Sebaiknya tidak usah terlalu tergantung sama teman relationship kita dan jgn kebiasaan melakukan hal yang buat kamu terlalu nyaman. Tapi sebaliknya, kalau kamu mau pacar kamu tetap sama kamu ( re: susah move on dari kamu) buatlah dia selalu mengandalkan mu di berbagai situasi. Selalu usahain "yes you can do it as her/his order". Selalu buat kenyamanan tercipta ketika kalian saling berinteraksi. Bikin kebiasaan2 yang sweet to remain. Pokoknya be " im here for you " lah intinya.
Hal tersebut tidak cuma berlaku ke pacar saja. Ke teman, saudara, keluarga, sahabat dll.

Just share what's in my mind.
Abisnya lagi rindu berat sama suasana bandung ni. Rindu keadaan asrama. Rindu cuaca bandung. Rindu dago. Rindu semua aktifitas yang biasa di lakuin di sana. Momen-momen kuliah, bimbingan, praktikum, interaksi 'senior-junior', dress up kalau mau hang out, sahur bareng, buka puasa, lebaran, natalan, tahun baru, banyak lah yang bikin rindu. Because what? It was being my habitual. Now, im going to make another habit ( biar bisa move on).

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Turning 24 turning new world

Omg. This year im turning 24 yo. I know this will be very late post to share about my bday moment. Theres no very special moment happen. My bday just same day with my high school friends. So that seems every body focus on that. Hmm, they never give any special surprise anyway. But, this year so feel different from other couple year past. Before, im a dorm girl, i have so many friends stay together, we make a lot of bday surprise and i wont forget every bday surprise i have. I love it a lot and i miss it so much. Not just about the bday surprise, its about the moment we share together. I love to stay together with my girls. Sena. Jeane. Kiki. Au. Fajri. They're my friends till the last day in dorm and i wish it still ever after. They all was so nice, kind and my match friends will all the weakness and best we have. We just trying to be one. Ahhh.. Kind of miss the memory we preparation for our lebaran and christmas day. Tried to cook our opor ayam. Wake up to eat sahur together. Stress with all the task, final exam and all about the lectured things. Story behind KIA, praktikum, sidang and our final exam. Story about lecturer, how we got their sign, how we waiting for them, when we get them angry, haters and talking about 'other friends'. Laugher, tears, starving, full, food, clothes, shoes, almost EVERYTHING we share together. Hmmm,, you girls like more than my sister. I cant forget everything of ur kindness. Especially my last room mate. Though our friendship isn that close like before. I wont forget what already we share from the start. Moreover for all your help. Thank you so much much more for help me do every little thing. Helped me From Make my bed to finish my final exam. Without your help may be i'll get little difficulties for made my KIA. The second one is my chinggu. The person i can share every thing too, same as my room mate, but we just a room mate in praktikum. All stories all truth all liar i've done, i think i just share with her. This friendhip just created by it self and i wish it will ever lasting forever until we have hubby, child or however grand child. Please, no war, no problem, no emulation, no jealosy or everything that break ours. I dont know. People are very nice to me. I wish i can do the vice versa. I dont know how to replaying it all guys. So sad that we're not life together now. Now on we need to fight to be success.

Btw, back to talk about my age. Hehehe. I feel old. This is the year when i cant claim all my parents belonging as mine. I was like "i came by my car" now its be like "i came by my parents car". Before, almost all things in house is mine too, because it was brought by my parents. Now? Half of it was brought to my siblings that gain them monet by them selves. My siblings belonging doesnt mean my belonging and vice versa. Ahhh.. Everything has to be change. Now on, i still unemployment. I'm not yet gain my own money, i still depent on my parents money. I wish someday i'll be a millioner, so that i dont need to depen on other money, do traveling with my mom and dad and sibling and friend and husband and children. I still have fight for that and for other things more.
Mmmm, this year is the year when people who just meet you will ask "have you done ur lecturer?" "Have you been married?" "Where did you go work?" And many more classic question to give for woman who tread a middle age. I feel my way still far yet close. In this near time i'll enter the working world. Very nervous for it. Every day i pray to Allah so that i'll get the best job. The job that comfortable for me, so i can work with my passion. The job that produce much gives from Allah (re: rezeki). I just thinking about job that work in office work about napza ( napza was one of my fav study influence in social work)  stay in makassar or if its not in makassar better to other city, bandung for example :p . But theres so much procedure to past :(
Before i really enter the job world, i always thinking to to something usefull something like enterprising. But like how?? Already trying to make a food but its trouble in sale. Trying to make a cake but its trouble in the tools. Ha ha. No best thing came with no effort, right? I just keep try again and again.
Enough story for this post. Wish me luck in job world. Wish me meet my real future husband ( a couple year a head it's oke) :D Wish my dream come true :* aaaaamiiiiiin ya Allah.

You know i love you.
XOXO rifka azikin.

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

There's problem every where

This few days was super duper hectic for me. Thanks Allah for all "rezeki" that you gimme until this day. Alhamdulillahhirobbilalamim. Beside that ive a few problem with my close friend again, bicker with my boy friend, and now with my sissy. Hwoah. I need to control mu self. Throw away bad habbit. All those emotional, bad moody, miss communication,easy to get angry etc. I just have to always remember that i cant live alone in this world, i need friends and my family to stand by me.
God, please forgive all my mistakes. I just believe to all Your plan. I just hope to have a good, confort job and have a much "rezeki" for make my parents happy and proud, have a couple that good for me. And i wish i will never depend on other.

So hard but who says its impossible?

Im trying to do the best for this time. Remember the last, too much drama that just hurt my self. Hahahaha. But, i don't know, seems like it doesnt work. I've try! I try to accept all the consequence. Im yours event we're not have a long time to know each other. Was that a mistake? I hope it isnt. I do all thing you ask as long as i can and sensible. I will do my best just want you know that i wanted you back. Distance is very matter for me. Ofcourse. But i've try. That's my hard things for me to do a relation. Hard doesn't mean impossible right? Just do it. As ling as we keep fighting to reach a success. I believe all things that we  do it best, we'll get the best result. But, if god doesn't create us for live together, i hope that all things that we've done isn't useless at all. We'll prepare our future for success in all aspect. I just always pray that we can got that success goal as soon as possible so that we can show the world that we mean to be together.
Right know, when i write this post. I just miss you so much. All i can do to just to share it in a word. I will never force you to come to my town. I know that you have a hard time to do it as soon as you can. The things that i really afraid of this relation is when my mom ask me to met the other that her want. Thats my mom's hobby. To be a match maker. It happen much time. She donit to my cousins and my sissy too. I don't know if she did it to me too. Hmmmmmmm!! As i said before, just done best!