have you ever feel, feeling to love someone with no exactly reason?
i have no idea, i've been falling in on several times to a several person. love in here isn't about you and your parents, daughter or your pet. Love in here is about two person, yeah, man and woman.
i never though that, 2 years ago i've been falling in love with this man. no, its not love at the first sight. because first time i saw him, i just though that this man act so random. i cant xplain more about what i mean about act random. but yea, i didnt interesting at all.
until one day we have a same activity and i have more change to have a mutual conversation. actually the reason why i started to interested with his is his faith to God, first thing that impressed me was when i see there are flight attendant pass by us, with their sexy cutting skirts. in condition me and my boys friends, i will flirt and say "hey bro, look at that sexy thing they show". but in that condition, i cant make a joke like that because im not too close yet to make that kind of joke.
but then, i see him accidentally looking to those flight attendant, and right at that time, he said "astagfirullah" and bowed hi head to avoid what he see. As simple as that. then i start to admired him.
and i remember back, how did he done his daily. he always do the pray on time. like on that time after adzan and directly go to mosque. one more i remember, when i enter the room and whispering my self ( cz my voice was to low to hear by all people on room) "assalamualaikum" the one who answer it was just him. I WAS FALLING IN LOVE ON THAT SIMPLE WAY!. cheezy but true.
and long short story, my love to him was welcomed. he has the same way, i dont know why with a long story, finally we get close and close, having a first date and so on. while the step on knowing each other, i didnt found my first reason to liked him. seems his faith go down after close to me. yea we all know, in islam, we are prohibited to get close, man and woman without marriage. i've found him several time not doing the pray. and i feel sad about it. really sad, but why i still stay. Whereas thats my main reason to agree go with him.
um, almost forget to tell you about my feeling when he asking me to get together. that was my first time i think about marriage. Before, if i had a relationship with a boy, i feel that, oh yea lets do it but lets see later if its going to marriage ending. but to this guy, i dont know why, i just feel lets know each other to step on the next level of live called mariage.
then, its not that easy to reach that goal. actually the main problem was, the parents acceptable. knowing my parents criteria's are about his job, his family and so on. yea like the other normal parents want. they wouldnt give their daughter to the wrong person right?
actually on all the criteria, he didnt hit all check. but you know whats on my mind? as long as he's good to Allah, working hard for family. lets just do it. my only plan was. lets go get what the parents want together, get their heart and work on that together.
To reach that goal, i start to introduce him to my main family. yes. i arrange the meeting. i invited all the family member to dinner, then asking him to join. thats my first time to introduce my boy to family, to my parents. how its feel? lil bit make me shy (cz hey! the last child bring a boy), nervous for sure, and all others mix feeling with hope that this man will acceptable to family. that night goes well, at least my parents know the person i close with. no more matching mekering me with others ( even if its not work to mom, she sometimes tried to introducing me to any her friends or fams son) but even if she tried to, i always denied it. because you know, before there are a guy that my mom want me to married, at the same time when i started to get close this fuckin man i like. at that time, i was asking for his advice. can i just know this guy for just knowing each other just like me and him. because in this phase, we are not being boy/girl friend or people call it "pacaran". We just say it with a commitment to being together in future. yea, that just close with 'pacaran' i know thats might be wrong moreover in our religion. and his advice was,"if you mean to be with me, then cut of that guy, if you wanna know more about him then cut me of".
and for sure, i'm the type of person that scare to have a mistake by purpose, so i cant run this two relationship, really afraid to get busted ( even all of my friend advised me to just run this two and i choose which is mean to me). so, i choose to cut that guy off and stay with him. back again to my purpose. i like him and i mean to be with him.
then, we spend time together in a year, arguing, mad each other, happiness, hanging out, all we done together to purpose that we wanna know each other in even the bad things. but, i admit that i always being cranky for lil things. such as if he cannot (but in my observe, he can but he seems better doing something else) accompanying me to go here and there, if he careless for what happen to me, saying the word that cruel on my opinion. thats make my relation ship lil bit runny. and i was wondering for this long time we wanna know each other, not a single time he asking me to meet his family. just meet his mom in hospital when he git sick. but its was just as an ordinary friends (i want more, hha).in my though, may be he is not ready yet, he maybe just manna make sure that his heart really choose me. and i appreciate it. and just wait when that day come without asking for it. and my progress in family just stuck on that day i introduce him. my mom sometimes asking him if he still exist on me, and my answer always "yes for sure, can i asking him to propose me?" and my mom be just smile and said "if you want to, asking ur dad" and raise her shoulder. they(my parents) just need to be assured. the only thing i can promote this man to my mom is his religious behaviour. thats what i can do so far. while im waiting him to get me close to his family. maybe after that i can be more faith and confidence if i know his family well.
before that things happen, my communication get worst,until we stop chatting each other in early 2019.The good things was, while my communication was lil bit broke, he seems come back close to God, that lil proud feeling if seeing him after pray. peace. but still on my mind, many other prejudice about him. because what? because we let that problem without any problem solve, without say sorry or else. it happen several time, there are problem, i got cranky, and we not speak each other. i tell you one of my weakness, im lil bit bitchy and tense to speak when im angry. and he didnt like it i guess, no one like it absolutely.
while all on my thought mix together, i just make conclusion that we just maintain the distance for good. to go away with 'pacaran effect' that not good for us. i just believe that some day, when he is ready, he will just asking me meet my mom and dad and face it together what ever the result is. so then i let day by day pass by. all i can do is just praying and praying. Allah, if it good to me get him close give us way, if it isnt (can you make it is? >,<) make my heart strong and find me the best way to stay away. yea thats the pray. even deep in my heart will with him until the end of the day until after life. i just believe, he just stay with me (because we nit talking much) thats just my faith for that time.
