finally i felt it part 2 (my broken heart confession)

After that long story short i told you before. we have maintain the distance since january '19. We didnt spend much time but for work. One or two time maybe we have time to talk, there is one time that i insist to drive him back, not to go home, but in a place he wanna go. so we have a time to talk in car. Until a, b, c and d, i finally said that "go propose me" and he seems surprised ( i dont know why cz seems like i ever told him like that on a several time and i just saw that face) and he said "are you sure?" and on my mind, with all things happen, his ignorance, careless and even he never make me strong and sure about our relationships that he never said that 'okey we can be strong together even if there are many thunder and rain come to us, we can pass it' or maybe just said that, yea together we cant be strong' HE HAS NEVER said that, he just careless for the problem we get, when i get mad, he look dont care and even dont talk to me, time pass and i will not mad by the time. then we talk again like nothing happen. oh, one more, he never officially introduce me to his family. like NEVER. then my mouth automatically  said "umm, not really sure, i didnt sure" (yea, thats my way to get a faith from him, i hope he'll make me sure about this relationship) but i was wrong, he just said that, okay we'll talk about it later.
time pass again, until Ramadhan will coming, i cant handle to make sure whats going on and whats our plan a head. i feel like our connection was lost. like totally lost. my negative mind told me that he already unlove me just like the first time in out commitment. another negative mind said that he has already have another girl because in recent day, he update something wasnt about me but for a girl. you know my mind go every where, more oven when he don't want to talk to me. every single time i ask about to meet for talk, he just said "how about tomorrow?" "what do you wanna to talk about? why so in hurry?" "i cant make it today, i have to hang out with my friends" until it didn't happen. So i surrender.
Time pass again. We have a out of town working in ramadhan. Everything seems alright ( *alright = running as usual, not much talking, lil flirting *i do it first, and yea, nothing special). my feeling still in curious, but i stop my self to find a way to know. i just set my mind that he'll talk to me if he mean to be. he would say it! in a right time he ready. and i was optimist that, he will take a best way what ever the decision is. go strong together or let it end.
Then, on ramadhan holiday i test him with asking a favour. i will borrow his book (i actually need it at that time) thats not just a chit chat because i need that book to learn. Somehow, i did felt something suspicious. is he trying to left me? is he bored with all this love hate relationships? because, if its as usual, even i didnt asking for deliver it, he will deliver it at that time. until lebaran days, he didnt. whereas, he dm me for saying sorry (that lebaran things) and still ignore my favour about the book. little things, but thats make me realise, im not so important to him.
finally, ramadhan off work end and we back to work, we meet at work. at that time, im trying make it as usual to him. i find a way to speak to him and any other things that can connect us. There is a news for his preposition job and finally his application letter was accept by head office and he looks so happy for it. me, not. feeling lil bit sad because we will no longer meet every day, but lil bit happy that he can get the position that have an opportunity to make his career path better. he asked for hand toss but i reject, cz u know, that "lil bit sad". its okay. i still give a hope. why? because i still feel that he is mine. poor me.
Whit all that curiosity in my head, my best friends ask me to meet him and ask every things about the relationship. but ya Allah, i was to scare to do it. i was to scare to accept the worst one. day by day, my besties keep trying to convincing me to do it. and still i have no courage to did it. 
Until one day, suddenly he text me and asking me to have a chit chat. unfortunately i was late 4 minutes to replay it, because he only wait 2 minutes for my replay and go. so we reschedule it until the next day.
okay. i was so wondering what things we gonna talk about. my head wont stop thinking about that. its only two topic on my mind that day. first was, we will talk about our relationship that we will bring it to more serious ( i prepare a lot of question for that. for make my self sure and believe he is the one) and the second was, he asked for breakup ( i dont know, i just feel like he had affair with other girl).
That day finally coming, he text me the place and i was asking for a drive but he reject me. i feel upset, like i just dont wanna came to that place. but, my logic tell that dont do that. if i go with my ego, this thing will never be work. so i go by my self. but with that attitude, i beleve we'll talk about bad things.
upon i arrived there, i spontaneous said that "what we're gonna talk about? did you get interested with another girl" that was my insecure sentence to say.
you know what did he said??? hmmm OMG, i cant write no more. sorry i cant continue the story.
all i felt that day was, more than drugs effect that people said. my body and my soul feel like separated that all of my body feel nothing.
sad over load.
many story to share, but i just cant write it, maybe catch you up on video so that i can tell you better.

for you, the person that i give all my trust, sometimes i regret that i give you that much love. but i realised that you are my lesson that Allah give. we didnt make it because Allah didnt allowed it. you and me isnt a good combo to be together. things i just can tell you "please be nice to other" never make your "the one" disappointed like u did to me. yes you can be your self as what you believe, but you can be your best self so people around you comfortable (please dont ask why must you make other comfortable)  .  Never blame any other because ours didnt work. you cant blame me, my dream or my mom.  one i know is you are my 'ballorang' boy.

until now, i always suggest my self to remember all the bad things so i can hate you. yea i force my self to hate you (even when i know the fact that you're doing flirting with other girl while we still together, why cant i really hate you). thats the only way i can do to accept all things happen. ok. i hate you.

Finnally i felt it part I

have you ever feel, feeling to love someone with no exactly reason?
i have no idea, i've been falling in on several times to a several person. love in here isn't about you and your parents, daughter or your pet. Love in here is about two person, yeah, man and woman.
i never though that, 2 years ago i've been falling in love with this man. no, its not love at the first sight. because first time i saw him, i just though that this man act so random. i cant xplain more about what i mean about act random. but yea, i didnt interesting at all.
until one day we have a same activity and i have more change to have a mutual conversation. actually the reason why i started to interested with his is his faith to God, first thing that impressed me was when i see there are flight attendant pass by us, with their sexy cutting skirts. in condition me and my boys friends, i will flirt and say "hey bro, look at that sexy thing they show". but in that condition, i cant make a joke like that because im not too close yet to make that kind of joke.
but then, i see him accidentally looking to those flight attendant, and right at that time, he said "astagfirullah" and bowed hi head to avoid what he see. As simple as that. then i start to admired him.
and i remember back, how did he done his daily. he always do the pray on time. like on that time after adzan and directly go to mosque. one more i remember, when i enter the room and whispering my self ( cz my voice was to low to hear by all people on room) "assalamualaikum" the one who answer it was just him. I WAS FALLING IN LOVE ON THAT SIMPLE WAY!. cheezy but true.
and long short story, my love to him was welcomed. he has the same way, i dont know why with a long story, finally we get close and close, having a first date and so on. while the step on knowing each other, i didnt found my first reason to liked him. seems his faith go down after close to me. yea we all know, in islam, we are prohibited to get close, man and woman without marriage. i've found him several time not doing the pray. and i feel sad about it. really sad, but why i still stay. Whereas thats my main reason to agree go with him.
um, almost forget to tell you about my feeling when he asking me to get together. that was my first time i think about marriage. Before, if i had a relationship with a boy, i feel that, oh yea lets do it but lets see later if its going to marriage ending. but to this guy, i dont know why, i just feel lets know each other to step on the next level of live called mariage.
then, its not that easy to reach that goal. actually the main problem was, the parents acceptable. knowing my parents criteria's are about his job, his family and so on. yea like the other normal parents want. they wouldnt give their daughter to the wrong person right?
actually on all the criteria, he didnt hit all check. but you know whats on my mind? as long as he's good to Allah, working hard for family. lets just do it. my only plan was. lets go  get what the parents want together, get their heart and work on that together.
To reach that goal, i start to introduce him to my main family. yes. i arrange the meeting. i invited all the family member to dinner, then asking him to join. thats my first time to introduce my boy to family, to my parents. how its feel? lil bit make me shy (cz hey! the last child bring a boy), nervous for sure, and all others mix feeling with hope that this man will acceptable to family. that night goes well, at least my parents know the person i close with. no more matching mekering me with others ( even if its not work to mom, she sometimes tried to introducing me to any her friends or fams son) but even if she tried to, i always denied it. because you know, before there are a guy that my mom want me to married, at the same time when i started to get close this fuckin man i like. at that time, i was asking for his advice. can i just know this guy for just knowing each other just like me and him. because in this phase, we are not being boy/girl friend or people call it "pacaran". We just say it with a commitment to being together in future. yea, that just close with 'pacaran' i know thats might be wrong moreover in our religion. and his advice was,"if you mean to be with me, then cut of that guy, if you wanna know more about him then cut me of".
and for sure, i'm the type of person that scare to have a mistake by purpose, so i cant run this two relationship, really afraid to get busted ( even all of my friend advised me to just run this two and i choose which is mean to me). so, i choose to cut that guy off and stay with him. back again to my purpose. i like him and i mean to be with him.
then, we spend time together in a year, arguing, mad each other, happiness, hanging out, all we done together to purpose that we wanna know each other in even the bad things. but, i admit that i always being cranky for lil things. such as if he cannot (but in my observe, he can but he seems better doing something else) accompanying me to go here and there, if he careless for what happen to me, saying the word that cruel on my opinion. thats make my relation ship lil bit runny. and i was wondering for this long time we wanna know each other, not a single time he asking me to meet his family. just meet his mom in hospital when he git sick. but its was just as an ordinary friends (i want more, hha).in my though, may be he is not ready yet, he maybe just manna make sure that his heart really choose me. and i appreciate it. and just wait when that day come without asking for it. and my progress in family just stuck on that day i introduce him. my mom sometimes asking him if he still exist on me, and my answer always "yes for sure, can i asking him to propose me?" and my mom be just smile and said "if you want to, asking ur dad" and raise her shoulder. they(my parents) just need to be assured. the only thing i can promote this man to my mom is his religious behaviour. thats what i can do so far. while im waiting him to get me close to his family. maybe after that i can be more faith and confidence if i know his family well.
before that things happen, my communication get worst,until we stop chatting each other in early 2019.The good things was, while my communication was lil bit broke, he seems come back close to God, that lil proud feeling if seeing him after pray. peace. but still on my mind, many other prejudice about him. because what? because we let that problem without any problem solve, without say sorry or else. it happen several time, there are problem, i got cranky, and we not speak each other. i tell you one of my weakness, im lil bit bitchy and tense  to speak when im angry. and he didnt like it i guess, no one like it absolutely.
while all on my thought mix together, i just make conclusion that we just maintain the distance for good. to go away with 'pacaran effect' that not good for us. i just believe that some day, when he is ready, he will just asking me meet my mom and dad and face it together what ever the result is. so then i let day by day pass by. all i can do is just praying and praying. Allah, if it good to me get him close give us way, if it isnt (can you make it is? >,<) make my heart strong and find me the best way to stay away. yea thats the pray. even deep in my heart will with him until the end of the day until after life. i just believe, he just stay with me (because we nit talking much) thats just my faith for that time.

New office

After more than a year almost two year i was enter a job world, finally now, i move to other office but still on same field. And again, Being newbie is suck. Mulai dari awkward ke mana-mana. Bersikap manis ke siapa pun, senyum sana sini, dan yang paling penting, kl ngomong hati-hati. First impression is everything for this stage. Kl awal ketemu aja udah nga enakin hati 'senior' (re: yang udah lama) wah.. Bisa rada susah kedepannya. In a week work, untuk mendukung sikap manis, saya menawarkan diri untuk menyampu ruangan. Penawaran diri ini nga sepenuh nya sukarela si, tp secara etika, masa ane leha2 duduk, sementara ibu2 satu2 nya di ruangan ane yang nyampu sih. Normally, saya harus kenawarkan diri untuk menggantikan si ibu buat nyapu, like "sini saya mo bu yang sapu", instead of datang langsung duduk dan membiarkan si ibu yang bersih-bersih sendiri. Dan hal tersebut akan menjadi aktifitas saya tiap pagi kl datang cepat ( seminggu ini saya datang nya juara 2 atau 3 tercepat ). Menebar senyum setiap ketemu orang, i just dont care who they are, jaga2 aja siapa tau mereka salah satu org penting kantor ( tapi kadang cape juga kl lagi males ).
Jadi di kantor baru, kerjaan nya lumayan beda dari sebelumnya. Walaupun masih dalam satu bidang yang sama. Sebelumnya lebih menguras tenaga untuk melakukan kegiatan lapangan, sekarang lebih ke administratif lebih gunain otak. Hari kedua kerja di suruh bikin surat. Terakhir bikin surat pas kuliah waktu aktif organisasi, dan sekarang udah buntu banget, i have no idea. Tapi beruntung, pegawai di ruangan mau membantu dan membimbing. Yash! I need to learn it again start from zero.
Things that i dont really like is, ane di suruh cuci piring, i need to do it as a newbie. Awalnya ane pikir wah.. Suck juga ni kl sampai cuci piring aja harus di lakuin ( apa karena sebelum nya sudah jadi relawan untuk nyapu2?). Oh man! Di rumah aja piring sendiri ane nga cuci walaupun sister ane berkicau kayak beo karena dia yang lakuin. And now, ive to do what i didnt do in my daily live? but then, my positive thinking whispering to me, liat si ibu di suruh bikinin kopi buat tamu, doi nyantai aja ngerjain, padahal ini udah senior lho, walaupun emang sama-sama staf. So i decide to throw out all "gengsi" yang tadi nya ane anut. I need to do all the job with full of sincerity. Yash baby yash! Ini semua demi kenyamanan diri sendiri.. As far i can do it, just try to do it. Fighting for me! Semoga berkah, banyak rezeki dan betah.
Oya, seminggu ini, i found my self admire how my boss treat klien, beliau bener2 membuat percakapan dengan klien se santai mungkin dan bener2 mencarikan solusi buat keluhan klien. Sampai tuntas.

3 night 3 days bali-lombok

Jadi, weekend kemarin ( 22-25 sept 2016) saya dan dua orang teman saya tiba2 merencanakan untuk pergi ke lombok. Sebut saja ini sebagai liburan. Tidak di sangka, kebetulan arisan yang kami ikuti namanya naik memenangkan arisan bulan september, so, hal tersebut makin menguatkan tekad kami untuk berlibur. Awalnya, susah banget nyari tiket di hari kamis malam, kami berencana izin kantor pada hari jumat nya. Hehehe. Penerbangan ke lombok di hari kamis hanya ada pada jam 2 siang saja, sementara kami masih pada jam kantor saat itu. Sampai pada akhirnya ada berita bahwa anak gunung rinjani sedang erupsi, sehingga bandara lombok pun harus di tutup. Tak kehabisan akal, kami pun mengecek penerbangan ke bali, niat nya akan menyebrang ke lombok dari situ. Harga tiket yang kami peroleh sekitar 680rb menggunakan maskapai garuda ( nga usah sensor ya, di sensor jg kalian tau) hehehe. Knapa milih garuda?? Krn di banding maskapai lain memang lebih mahal, tp kl kita itung2 lagi, dia udh include airport tax, makan di pesawat dan yaaa ada perasaan aman jg naik ini maskapai. Masalah pesawat berangkat, done pada h-3. Sekarang kita mikirin penginapan lagi ni, search2 di berbagai website mulai dari traveloka, pegi2, pokoknya semua deh. Tapi belum juga ada yang pas, maklum ya kita bertiga, mau cari kamar berdua tapi bisa tigaan. Hehe. Sambil nyari hotel, kita juga cari orang yang menyewakan mobil tanpa supir, istilahnya lepas kunci, biar kita bisa kesana sini sendiri biar nyasar juga its oke. Hehehe. Setelah menghubungi beberapa rent car, akhirnya nemu yang murah dan nga neko2 ( ada satu lagi, tapi ribet, nanya nginep di mana lah, nga bisa jemput bandara lah, minta foto tiket pulang balik lah, rempong pokoknya) jadi biaya rent car yang dipakai adalah 180rb perhari, ongkos nganter mobil ke bandara 50rb plus ngisi bensin sebanyak 100rb. Mobil yang kami gunakan mobil toyota ayla, manual warna putih kalo nga salah (lupa, saya tidak begitu memperhatikan). Lumayan lah, soalnya kita cuma bertiga, mobil tipe itu sudah lebih cukup. Next, masih nyari tempat nginap, ini ni yang paling ribet, dan keribetan mencari penginapan di simple kan ketika, ada salah satu teman lain yang abis ke bali, terus dapet voucher penginapan di salah satu hotel. Jauh si hotel nya, di daerah uluwatu, tepatnya di jalan pecatu indah resort blok b2, pecatu kuta selatan kabupaten badung, bali. We have no idea where the hotel is, tapi namanya juga gratis, ya terima-terima ajalah ya. >.<

Yak.. Lanjut ya. Pesawat mks-bali (cek) penginapan (cek) mobil rental (cek). Pesawat kami terbang jam 7.30 p.m. Karena waktu pulang kantor dan jadwal penerbangan mepet banget, maka saya dari kantor nga pulang dulu ke rumah, niatnya langsung bandara aja, ransel saya sembunyikan di mobil salah satu senior yang akan saya tebengi sampai pengkolan, jadi pulang kantor saya mampir dulu di kfc deket kantor, abis itu ke bandara, rencana ke bandara mau naik gojek, tapi apa daya jaringan internet was very suck in sudiang. Jadi, buat hemat, saya naik angkot sampai simpang 5 bandara, terus cuss naik ojek, saya menghabiskan sebesar 30rb untuk sampai bandara. Mahalnya ojek nya -.-". Di bandara ketemu sama teman2 dan langsung cus bagasi cus ke waiting room. Dan tidak lama ada panggilan untuk masuk pesawat.

Anddddd here we are, in bali. Excited enough. Setelah ambil bagasi, kita langsung nelfon yang bawain mobil rentalnya, namanya ketut, si ketut ini langsung ngasi tau lokasinya, kita ke sana, periksa kondisi mobil (you should do this, kalau2 nanti kalian di tuduh2 abis nabrakin) bayar panjar dan kunci dan mobil jadi milik mu sementara. Nga mau buang2 waktu, kita langsung ke daerah kuta. Mengandalkan gps dan hp yang sudah mau lobet semua.(dimobil cas an nya rusak. Payah). Menyusuri daerah pertokoan, ada brand ini dan itu, dan nga ada parkiran, kami memituskan buat parkir di beachwalk mall bali, abis itu jalan ke daerah pertokoan yang tadi di lewati mampir makan dan foto2 dikit. Sayang nya kita kemalaman dan beberapa toko sudah tutup. Capek jalan, kami kembali ke parkiran, dan langsung menuju hotel, mencari alamat bermodalkan google map. Kesasar sana sini. Dan memang lumayan jauh dari kuta.

Sampai hotel, kita ngendap2, tapi apa daya hotelnya sepi yaa ketahuan lah kita bertiga ( kamar hotel hanya untuk 2 orang). Pas masuk kamar, excited sendiri liat kamarnya yang luas, tempat tidurnya muat 4 orang, lebar dan panjang. Kamar mandi ada shower dan bath tub nya.ada balkon belakang yang malam itu gelap banget.  Ada sofa di antara tempat tidur dan jendela balkon. Sempat ngerasa horor si di hotel ini, because its big and quiet. Gantian mandi, bersih-bersih and we're ready to sleep to face tomorrow.

Bangun pagi saya penasaran dengan suara grasak grusuk di balkon, pas keluar, ternyata pemandangan belakang kamar yang kami tempati adalah lapangan golf, terlihat ada beberapa laki2 yang mengendarai mesin pemotong rumput dan beberapa ibu2 yang membersihkan rumput yang telah terpotong, it was such a good view in the morning, melihat jauh lagi kita bisa lihat laut yang membentuk garis lurus sepanjang mata menandang. Schedule hari ini adalah pagi2 rencananya mau ke kolam renang hotel, abis itu sarapan, ke pantai buat main air, pulang kembali ke hotel dan jalan2 sambil nyari tempat nongkrong buat liat matahari terbenam. Yakk, yang pertama adalah berenang di kolam hotel, unfortunately,, kolam hotel lagi dalam perbaikan (mungkin pengelolah males kali ya ngisi air dan ngebersihin, abis pengunjung sedikit banget) jadi kita sarapan dulu, krn sarapan hanya buat 2 org, jadi kita rencannya mau gantian, biar semua makan.. Haha. Tapi kayaknya si yang jaga makan pagi nga sadar kalo kita bertiga. Hihi. (Semoga halal, ikhlasin ya mba). Abis makan pagi, kita langsung go, search pantai yang cute buat main air, pilihan jatuh ke blue point, di google si kelihatannya indah banget. Jadi masih bermodal google map, kita cuss ke tkp. Di sepanjang jalan terlihat orang asing (bule) lalu lalang, naik motor yang di samping nya ada tempat sandaran buat papan selancarnya. Setibanya di blue point, kita bayar parkir sebesar 5ribu rupiah. Dan jalan menuju bibir pantai, tapiiiii saat kita tiba, ternyata lokasinya semacam tebing, yang di beri tangga2 gitu, ada beberapa toko yang belum buka. Kita salah kalau mau main air di sini. Di sini tempat buat orang2 berselancar, nga ada pasir pantai, tebing langsung laut, cocok buat yang hobby surfing. Daripada mubazzir datang jauh2 ke sini, kita nikmati pemandangan yang biru dan indah sambil foto2 dulu terus nyari pantai lain sekitar situ.

Atas rekomendasi salah satu teman, kita jadi nya ke padang-padang, nga jauh dari blue point itu. Agak balik arah dikit. Nah.. Di sini, kita di beri tarif 5000 per orang nya, di jalan masuk ke pantai, banyak monyet yang lalu lalang, sebelum ke bibir pantai, kita harus lewatin lorong dari tebing, di balik tebing itulah pantainya. Pamandangannya lumayan, walau tidak sesuai ekspektasi( terlalu tinggi naroh standarnya) pasir putih, pantainya agak kotor, ada semacam rumput2 di ujung2 pantai. Tapi bisa lah buat main pasir main air. Kalau menurut saya si, ini nga terlalu rekomendasi. Dulu pernah ke dream land, kalian yang mau main air main pasir, coba ke sana aja deh, di banding padang-padang ini. Hampir siang, kita balik ke hotel, bersih2, nunggu beres sholat jumat, kemudian kami melanjutkan ke arah kuta.

Karena tadi keluar hotel nya agak telat, sekitar jam 2 lewat, kita langsung cari makan siang, tadinya mau nyicip ayam betutu, tapi dapatnya nasi pedas ibu andika, enak sekali sekali sekali, tapi pedas nya juga sekali sakali sekali pake banget. Tapi nga pedas juga masakannya emang enak. Abis makan mampir ke joger buat beli oleh-oleh. Karena makin sore, jadi kita langsung cari tempat nongkrong buat duduk santai liat sunset ( gaya bener) . Dari sekian banyak pilihan, kami memilih buat ke woobar, lokasinya di w retreat and spa bali- seminyak. Pas sampai di sana, hujan turun. Sedih. Tapi kita tetap mampir. Pelayanan nya bagus, ada mba2 yang males nyariin kursi, ada juga mba2 yang sangat baik memperlakukan pelanggan dengan menawari beberapa pilihan. Karena hujan kursinya terbatas. Terpujilah wahai kau mba2 yang belerja profesional, saya doakan cepat naik pangkat. Di woobar ini ada kolam renang, dan kalau kita jalan ke dalam lagi, akan terlihat pantai. Damn, tau gitu tadi kita main di sini saja. Main pasir dan pantai plus bisa nyemplung ke kolam renangnya. Sebelum nya kami ragu, apakah kolam renang hanya untuk tamu hotel atau tamu resto juga bisa, jadi kami nanya ke mba2 yang baik tadi. Dengan ramahnya mba nya jelasin, kl pengunjung resto boleh menggunakan kolam renang tapi kalau mau pakai handuk kena charge sebesar 40ribu. Untungnya hujan nga pake lama, sebelum magrib, udah berhenti jadi masih sempat liat matahari terbenam. Indah. 

Untuk makanan dan minuman nya, saya pesan ice chocolate ( semacam susu coklat dingin di beri whipped cream dan cherry sebagai pemanis) dan seorang teman lagi memesan mojito ( kl aku rasa si, semacam infuse water, jadi soda di masukin berbagai macam buah dan kl kamu mau bisa pakai rum) harganya lumayan si, kl kamu minum doang butuh duit minimal 100rb perorang nya.. Kita nga pesan makan, karena di menu nya saya lihat mereka menjual pork juga, so we decided not to order food. Tapi pas sore mau malam gitu kita di kasi snack keripik ubi ungu. Sehabis capek lirik sana sini, foto2, nikmatin pemandangan. Kita lanjut jalan lagi, mampir ke krisna buat beli oleh-oleh lagi abis itu, karena salah satu teman ingin belanja ke mall nyari brand2 yang nga ada di makassar. Abis itu mampir makan, pulang, capek berat.

Keesokan pagi nya, kita siap2 buat check out. Dari semalam sebelum tidur memang sudah beres2 jadi pas pagi tinggal sarapan dan berangkat ke shuttle bus prama di kuta menuju ke padang bai. Biaya naik bus nya 75 ribu perorang. Busnya mampir2 sebentar di ubud dan satu daerah lagi saya lupa. Tapi tidak lama, hanya sekitar 5 menit. Sampai di padang bai, kita di sambut oleh banyak orang (re: calo ferry dan speedboat) tadinya ke lombok kita mau naik ferry saja, karena ongkos nya murah, katanya hanya 40rb perorang nya. Mampir ngopi di toko2 pinggir jalan sambil nanya2 ke ibu2 penjualnya. Ada satu calo yang dari tadi ngikutin kita. Kl naik feery butuh waktu sekitar 5 sampai 6 jam dengan biaya yang memang murah si, 40rb. Tapi, krn kita ngejar waktu, sudah hari sabtu jam 2 an kalau nga salah, kl naik ferry, berarti sampai di lombok, tepatnya gili trawangan sekitar jam 7 atau 8 malam. Sayang banget waktu nya. Kami pun memutuskan naik speedboat, nawar kejam sampai 200rb perorang ( untung si mas2 calo nya mau, soalnya lagi nga terlalu ramai, mereka butuh ngisi speedboatnya secepatnya biar ontime) harga normal speedboat katanya 250rb perorang. Kalau kamu orang asing, lebih mahal lagi. Abis deal harga, bayar langsung calo itu nganter kita di bibir pelabuhan naik motor, di kasi semacam kartu buat boarding pass nya di speedboad nanti. Speedboat yang kami tumpangi besar, kapasitas nya bisa sampai 150orang. Pas mau nerangkat, hujan turun. Jadi saya memutuskan untuk tetap di bagian dalam kapal. Awak kapal sesekali mengajak para turis untuk naik ke atas menikmati pemandangan, ada party katanya. tapi saya juga tidak mengerti party macam apa yang di maksud. Kira2 satu sampai satu setengah jam, kita tiba di gili trawangan. Yeay! Sebelum nya kita sudah searching tempat penginapan. Dan dari searchingan, keliatan, penginapannya mahal2. Beruntung entah dari mana, dapat penginapan namanya giyat kodong homestay. Sekamar bisa sampai 3 orang, untuk yang kipas angin harganya 200ribu dan ac harganya 300ribu permalam. So we decided 'ac', mengingat cuacanya lumayan panas. Pas mau liat sunset, ternyata sunsetnya ada di bagian lain pulau, lumayan jauh. Jadi kami menyewa sepeda, harga sewa sepeda sebesar 35ribu per sepeda perhari. Sewa sepedanya di homestay tadi itu. Naik sepeda sekitar sejam, nemu deh pantai pandawa, pantai yang ada ayunan nya gitu yang lagi happening kl ke gili trawangan, banyak yang berfoto2 mengabadikan moment sunset. Oiya, di gili trawangan ini, banyak banget bule, hampir lebih 50 persen lah isinya turis internasional. Di pantai saya kebanyakan bengong liatin aktivitas bule bule itu, ngupinh mereka bicara, liat gerak geriknya. Rasanya pengen deh berteman dengan mereka ( mau naik tingkat pergaulan internasional) kali aja ada rezeki ke negara mereka, lumayan kan kl ada temen. Hehehe. Oiya, di pandawa itu ada kursi2 santai, apa ya namanya, nga tau. Di situ kita pesan minum, ice lemon tea seharga 25rb. Di sana kebanyakan menjual minuman beralkohol. Abis matahari terbenam. Lanjut balik naik sepeda, kali ini lebih lama lagi, soalnya kita mutarin pulaunya, tadi waktu kesana motong ke tengah pulau, pas pulang kita lewat pinggir2 pantai. Banyak cafe2 bagus dan penginapan yang mewah kami lalui. ( maybe penginapan2 itu yang kami lihat di internet yang permalamnya sejutaan lebih). Kl naik sepeda, jadinya kali kucel banget, kembali ke homestay buat bersih2, karena laper banget jadinya pesan makanan terus di anterin ke kamar, makan mie goreng harganya 25ribu. Enak. Kenyang.

Abis bersih2, kita nanya2 kira2 besok kita ke bandara lomboknya naik apa. Pas nanya ke yang kerja di homestay, di bapak nawarin mobil sewa. Jadi si bapak namanya pak jhony, nawarin, dia bakal beliin tiket kapal nyebrang ke lombok, terus nanti ada supir yang jemput buat ke bandara, dengan fasilitas, kita bisa mampir2 ke beberapa tempat wisata di lombok. Tapi kita kejar waktu juga soalnya pesawat kami terbang jam 7 malam. Misi kami untuk hari esok yaitu, harus snorkling. Tapi, snorkling regular itu hanya ada di jam 11 sampai jam setengah 4 sore. Biayanya 100rb, udah include, peralatan snorkling dan snorkling di tiga pulau, yakni, gili trawangan, gili meno dan gili air. Tapi kalau jam 4 sore, si supirnya pesimis kita bakal buru2 dan nga keburu pesawat, jadi si bapak jhony ini nawarin lagi snorkling private. Ini lebih mahal ni, dan krn waktu terbatas, hanya satu gili yang menjadi spot snorkling kami yaitu di gili meno. Hasil nego kami ke si bapak jhony dan si bapak jhony ke si kapten yang bakal bawa kita jadi nya buat snorkling privat itu kami bayar 650rb 3 orang. Jadi di kapal cuma ada kita bertiga dan dua org yang bawa kapalnya, mereka juga ngajar2in kita buat snorkling ( guide snorkling ). Oiya, biaya nyebrang ke lombok plus sewa mobil dan supir adalah 550rb ( itupun nawar2 dengan wajah memelas).

Setelah deal harga. Kami keluar jalan2 di sekitar pantai, liat keadaan pinggir pantai, suasana kafe yang beda2. Kehebohan si bule yang nga tau itu main apa sambil minum2 ketawa2. Yang ada di benak ku waktu itu, ini para warga sekitar nga terganggu ya ribut sampai tengah malam gini. Yaa then i realize, ini salah satu sumber kehidupan mereka. Jadi mereka maklum saja. Capek kesana sini, observasi tingkah laku para turis, capek, jadi kita balik homestay buat istirahat.

Besok nya, kita sarapan, abis sarapan jam 9 siap2 buat snorkling. Sekedar info, saya tidak tau berenang. Hehehe. Jadi gugup juga pas perjalanan. Tapi sebelum nya saya pernah snorkling di daerah bara bulukumba. Jadi yaa udah kebayang nanti kayak gimana. Terumbu karang di gili meno sangat indah dengan beraneka ragam binatang lautnya. Blue coral yang menarik perhatian saya, karang berwarna biru neon bersinar menembus air laut. Bagus banget, ikan2 kecil yang jumlahnya ratusan bahkan lebih. Sayang nga bawa roti buat makanan ikan, jadi kita nga begitu di krubutin si ikan. Ahhh.. Kata2 saya tidak bisa mewakili keindahan bawah laut di sana. Kalian harus liat sendiri. Sekitar jam 11 kita kembali ke homestay buat siap2 dan packing barang2. Jadwal check out homestay itu sebenarnya jam 11.30. Tapi kita ninggalin homestay nya ngaret jam 12. Maaf ya. Hehe. Anis beres packing, kita langsung di giring pak jhony ke kapal yang bakan bawa kita ke pelabuhan lombok, sembari jalan ke lokasi kapal nya nyender, kita mampir beli gelato. Enak banget. Satu scoop nya harga 25rb. Tersedia berbagai macam rasa. Kalian wajib coba kalau ke sana.

Sampai di pulau lombok, kami di sambut oleh teman si supir, soal nya dia telat, katanya macet. Pas mobil rental kami datang, tanpa buang waktu kita langsung berangkat. Menurut saya, biaya dari pelabuhan ke bandara tergolong nga murah tapi si supir (pak ridho) baik banget, cerewet, cerita dan guyonannya nga cruncy. Harga sewa mobil tadi worth dengan penawaran pak ridho buat mampir sana sini di daerah wisata pulau lombok. Recomended lah. Perhentian pertama kami di daerah ketinggian, kalo nga salah ingat namanya bukit malimbu, dari sini kita bisa melihat pemandangan yang sangat amat luas. Dari sini kita bisa liat tiga gili yang hits itu, yakni gili trawangan, gili meno dan gili air. Ketika pandangan saya geser dikit, samar-samar terlihat lekukan gunung agung yang tertutupi awan yang lumayan tebal, soalnya waktu itu lagi mendung. Geser pandangan dikit lagi kelihatan pantai pasir putih yang menurut saya indah sekali, masyarakat lombok nga perlu jauh-jauh lah kalau mau piknik bareng keluarga, soalnya, jaraknya cukup dekat dengan kota mataram kata pak ridho.ehhmm, ganti jadi bro ridho aja ya, soalnya dia nga tua-tua amat di panggil 'pak'. Hehe. Next, kita mampir di pusat penjualan oleh-oleh lombok, namanya ***. Disini kami beli beberapa cinderamata khas lombok, mirip-mirip pusat penjualan oleh-oleh yang ada di bali si konsepnya. Tapi kalo dibandingin toko-toko yang ada di gili trawangan, di sini tentu saja jauh lebih murah sampai 5 kali lipat. 

Abis dari situ, mampir ke toko mutiara, duh saya lupa nama tokonya. Maaf ya. Tapi di sana mutiara yang di jual semua pakai sertifikat, jadi bergaransi, sesuai dengan garansi yang diberikan, harganya pun berkisaran 1,5 sampai 4 juta untuk mutiara air laut dalam bentuk bros. Kalau mutiara air tawarnya tentu lebih murah. Lanjutttt perut dari tadi sudah lapar, kita mampir ke lesehan mimi asri buat nyicipin nasi balap, nasi puyung dan ayam taliwang. Lagi-lagi kulinernya rasa pedas. And because i like spicy, so do i like this food. Cuma takut maag kambuh. Perhentian terakhir kita sebelum bandara adalah desa sukarare. Pas sampai sana, langsung di sambut oleh pelayan toko, di jelaskan cara menenun kain, di depan toko ada tiga orang wanita yang menenun kain, kita diperbolehkan untuk mencoba menenun jika mau. Satu kain menghabiskan waktu sebulan pembuatan. Setelah itu kita di giring buat mencoba baju khas lombok (saya lupa tanya namanya apa). Cantik. Kita dibalut kain tenun sebagai bawahan jadi seperti rok lilit, terus pakai baju kayak model crop gitu, dan di kalungkan selendang. Itu untuk pakaian wanita. Kalau pria, ada semacam ikat kepala dan senjata sebagai aksesorisnya. Di samping toko ada dua rumah adat lombok (lagi-lagi saya lupa nanya namanya). Di situ kita bisa jepret-jepret pakai baju adat yang tadi sudah dikenakan. Setelah itu kita bisa liat-liat hasil tenun, dan kalau minat beli, boleh di beli. Terdapat berbagai macam motif dengan harga yang berbeda-beda. Kisaran nya sekitar 150rb-500rb permeternya. Jam sudah menunjukkan 5.30 p.m waktu setempat. Sudah waktunya kami untuk meluncur ke bandara internasional lombok. Dengan itu, berakhir pula jalan-jalan kita weekend ini. Semoga tulisan saya bermanfaat.

XOXO

Nothing else i do but write. Re: curhat.

How to show your love?
How to show your love with the person you will be with? Seems like it little hard question for me. When you have some principle to stand for.  Would you break it for showing how much you mean with that person you love? I'm trying. I'm not the person who will spontaneously shows the public, like hey! This one is my boyfriend (example for the person you love) and you can see it with all my update status socmed is about him. Well, people should know i'm his. But, is love need a publication?? I dont think so. But, is it like i wont anybody else know that im in relationship? I dont think so. When you mean that you wouldnt anyone else know about you are in relationship, you will just answer 'no, i dont have any boyfriends' or 'no, we're not in relationship' but what? I never mean to say that when im in relationship with someone. I just not continuously to update all things about mine. I will the world know that we're now together, but i wont to tell them. Let the world looking for it, let them curious about that and search it. It will show naturally. Without screaming, intending to show and everything else to get confession with public.
I just thinking to built it just us. Just us know how its work. Just us understand it. Because sometimes and almost every time, public just cant solve the problem if is it. So why we have to tell them?
Okay, back to the way you show ur love feeling. I cant be just over excited when im happy ( except im very very very happy ). Shy! Maybe thats the answered. I really want to make him know that i'm happy. Can i just say it with a word? I dont really trust the word btw. I trust action. So i'm trying to show it directly with action. Maybe need to try harder because seems like it now working for the person im with now. And yes, i try to prove it even by break my principle. Like before i didnt want to do this and those one in relationship. But, now what? I did it ( i just give a few sign to show i dont like it ). The sign like when i said "tidak suka begini begitu" "parried his word or action" or give him an action that show the word "jangan begitu" but i think you didnt get the sign. You dont get the sign and blame me because you didnt get it. I didnt directly to get angry Just because i will you know i'm into you. Like just want to tell that i just will do it with you, so you should know i mean to be.
Well, what i've got? I dont know. Sometimes i just think to over it. Just because i dont know how to treat him well so he'll be more feel esteemed. Its going more harder when you didnt have a same vision. No red line but we want to be with. HARD! I'm not who i'm. Do the things that not my habit. Before, i indeed to show the worst of me. To see if you are really l want to be with me even you know that i'm grumpy, not pretty (sometimes i didnt do make up when i meet him) money mad, and many weakness else. Before, i think that you already accept it. But wait, seems like i need more time to decided. With all those argument that we arguing that night. I point that, before you just show what the good on you which is actually not you. Not in all case btw. Thats why i need to more learn about you and me. Which like an oil and water. Not easy to be one. Now on, i need to follow his way, try to understand what i didnt understand. Leave my ego behind. Maybe this one will work to show how much i really thank for everything.

Not only me have that kind of feelings

Finally the others feels that way too. Some people didnt realize how special they are for other that sometimes make me lil bit jealous. People welcoming them,  make a plan so that we can meet together. Is this kind of our friendship. Before, i was thinking that this is just my feeling. I feel marginal long time before now. When they only go with them selves. Well, may be because i ever rejected some of their invitation. But you know? Ive much reason for that. Either at that time i have no enough money or i have something to do more important. Actually the only moment that stick on my head was when one of them come to visit the city i've studied before. I just feel i've already make an effort so that we can meet as one of a host. But what ive know? I feel you think that im useless that you already have that group for stay and can bring you everywhere around the city. Fine. That time, Its just me, just me feels that way. I just let it go. But now, it remembering me again. When the other make a plan just for make our reunion completed, some of us doing other plan secretly and surprisingly surprise us. Wanna know my feeling? Actually i just feeling so so. I've must be accustomed. Already talk to my self for just being best, focus to my own successful and be nice to people (just be nice). Many lesson learn from friendship. Hello and goodbye, i'm a dissapointed friend.